wish I had another chance’...

"It didn't work out… "

Ha… so easy to say, especially if it’s a narration of how and why they’re separating.

One just had to see the pain hidden behind that statement, the remorse and that feeling ‘wish I had another chance’, as they proclaim in false bravery that everything will be over soon.

These were the people, who, in all their wise and matured judgment had weighed every option, before taking that all important decision of their lives. ‘All Important’ as in ALL IMPORTANT’. It was as all important a decision as the previous all important decisions of their lives they had taken to come together and live happily ever after. Now, while opting to separate, they’d weighed every option, or so they thought.

Mustering enough strength to take that decision and finding enough reasons for it, they went about gathering evidences and witnesses to prove that they can’t live together any more. The mandatory two years they’ve been just doing that, nothing else, finding evidences, so the family court judge passes the judgment in their favor. Trying to remember those occasions, places where they felt most insulted. How the worst behavior was meted out. Trying to catch-up those who were witness to those scenes, to convince them that they should corroborate in court. And then there was that one small matter, who gets the possession of the child and that of alimony, maintenance, who pays whom and how much etc.

As the Day of Judgment neared, they went on a flashback to find whether they had submitted enough evidences. Yes, their Lawyer had convinced them, no way the judge will be able to keep them together.

‘Marriages are made in heaven’ and here they were breaking it up.

The flashback took them back, a whole way back. Those moments of their lives etched in the happy part of their memories. That memorable wedding ceremony, the first night and then off the next day for a week long honeymoon, all came back in a flash. Moving into their own house, honeymoon stretching a few more years, and three years later that greatest gift a couple can have, a child. Those cherished moments of bringing up that child, now 12 years old.

They meet occasionally now, for that someone very special in their lives, their child, linked to them unbreakably. Whose life, in all probability, they’ll mar for life. Inflict a wound on their child that’ll never cure, that’ll pain forever. That’ll leave a gap in the child’s life that’ll never get filled up, ever. To be branded as a single parent child, or…

So what happened that they have reached here in the family court, waiting for the pronouncement of judgment, they wondered. Will it be really over today, now? 15 years of marriage. Deep in conversation with their respective Lawyers, they stole a look at each other, hoping that the other wasn’t watching. Their eyes meet, eyes with pain in them and welled up with tears.

Suddenly the bailiff’s voice reverberated in the courtroom ‘all rise’.

As they sat down, they heard the court clerk shouting case no. 237/2007...

They both stood up along with their Lawyers for the pronouncement.

Judge’s voice boomed “…Therefore, this court, in view of all the evidences presented, is of the view…

Stunned silence!!! They looked at each other in disbelief.

The judge, after announcing that copies of the judgment will be available a week later, walked out.

As the judge’s voice still reverberated in their ears
“… Legal Separation cannot be allowed, and further directs…”
they were not listening any more, they ran towards each other, tears in their eyes, and embraced...


                                                                     -Ken Featherlite

‘When suddenly you found me ho..ho..ho’

‘When suddenly you found me ho..ho..ho’

Attraction, infatuation, love, affinity, adoration, adventure... sometimes, even worship…

Though, in all these, some kind of ‘romance’ exist, ‘love’, for some reason, is the only item common to all.

Few words or feelings are as misconstrued, as 'that' love. where 'that' is 'the' most misunderstood issue, not love.

This is the exact place where it all begins.

That that ‘that’ is also the root cause of all the ill-will between people goes unsaid.

And then comes another altogether different item, ‘need’.

Need is like hunger, a sort of craving, something one want to sate oneself, to compensate for deprivation, to fill the gap, caused by shortage or non-availability, ‘need’. Haha.. that opens up another round of debate and discussion, And I am sure, if anything this will.. surely..

Because the need keeps changing… though it starts with hunger.. the body’s requirement for nourishment to sustain, to live on..

Before we are dragged into that huge chasm between ‘Need’ and ‘Greed’, which could be another story altogether…, we curtail ourselves and veer back to our ‘need’ and ‘that’ love. Or ‘need for ‘that’ love.

Now the ‘need’…

Since, usually, most of our lives started with a bang, not that ‘bang’ but bang which means with lots of fanfare and celebrations. Then it starts to wane slowly… means the ‘honeymoon’ can’t last forever. And to make a life for ourselves and the baby down the line, we start sacrificing our pleasures. We cut down on many things. Being together is the first major casualty and then… one finds oneself adjusted to most of those situations we had said ‘we’ll never fall prey to’, during our courtship or that extended honeymoon.

It, the ‘need’, usually arises sometime in ones mid age, to be read differently than that mid-age crisis. Here the mid age, usually, is when one has been well settled. We mean one is married and have kid/s, a good job for either one or both the spouse, a comfortable house with or without the in-laws etc. But we are discussing a slightly different angle here… one which has kept them (both of them) away from each other in the daytime. Whether one is working or both, it all ends up with meeting each other for break-fast or dinner, early in the mornings or late in the nights, and exchanging pleasantries apart, no other communication. But then they had forgotten to live. Waking up, morning chores, preparing for office, leaving home late, hurrying, and missing the train or bus. Running late being the most commonly used phrase. Oh, there are Sundays and holidays… Well we don’t need to enumerate what they normally do on such days…, when they’re sidestepping each others to avoid conflicts or not at each others throat or… we know.

Then, when we need to talk, we phone, and we find that the spouse has no time. Busy in the office work, having a meeting with the boss or with a client, preparing an urgent presentation, or any of the other reasons one can find in the cozy air-conditioned comfort of one’s office.

‘When suddenly you found me ho ho ho…’.

Then we meet our counterpart, a kind of alter ego, a clone of ours with only one difference, one is a man and the other is a woman.

We meet them in an official function, a meeting, a workshop, a training session or some such occasion. Nowadays, on some social net-working site during a not so busy period in the office or while traveling or while just waiting for the delayed flight to take off.

Two people, looking for an escape for their emotions… a kind of bond being the immediate result…

Two people with the same issues, the ‘need’ and they find the time spent together were good and has given them some emotional release, some unburdening of a load in their minds. They exchange phone numbers, e-mail addresses, their social networking nicks and handles.

A few days later one wants to talk again. You ring up, message, mail or log on and chat.

“Hi, busy?’

‘Naah, tell me? And courteously ‘in fact I was thinking of calling you up myself. Actually I was thinking about what we spoke that day...’ added to make the other comfortable.

‘Oh!! Really??’ an opening…

‘Well, I called you to…” and so it continues and the bond is further cemented.

They may have been two of the most incompatible, if most parameters of compatibility is considered, but one, no emotional connectivity or contact. That has been missing in their lives. This happens to, mostly, those who could not cultivate friendships where venting of those pent-up emotions were possible.

Then they meet again, its either she finds him or he finds her. You talk, you patiently listen, you share. First those simple words and then thoughts. One finds someone to share life’s good points, sorrows, happiness and a whole lot of other things.

‘aap yun hi agar hum se milte rahe…’

An emotional attachment commences and a bit later, dependency. A ‘relationship’ starts… relationship, not love.

‘Relationship’ is a word the most misused, if various connotations of the word in Queen’s English Dictionary are concerned. It also means emotional (sexual) connection or association.

What started as an avenue to vent ones emotions ends up in or at or…

Back home one wants to make up, a bit of guilt motivating one to experiment certain things learned in that relationship. The prime motivation being ‘to keep both working, the ‘home’ and the ‘relationship’. Sadly, it doesn’t work out as expected. Something is still missing, at both places….

One wonders… ‘Where has ‘that’ love gone??’

Ken Featherlite