‘When suddenly you found me ho..ho..ho’

‘When suddenly you found me ho..ho..ho’

Attraction, infatuation, love, affinity, adoration, adventure... sometimes, even worship…

Though, in all these, some kind of ‘romance’ exist, ‘love’, for some reason, is the only item common to all.

Few words or feelings are as misconstrued, as 'that' love. where 'that' is 'the' most misunderstood issue, not love.

This is the exact place where it all begins.

That that ‘that’ is also the root cause of all the ill-will between people goes unsaid.

And then comes another altogether different item, ‘need’.

Need is like hunger, a sort of craving, something one want to sate oneself, to compensate for deprivation, to fill the gap, caused by shortage or non-availability, ‘need’. Haha.. that opens up another round of debate and discussion, And I am sure, if anything this will.. surely..

Because the need keeps changing… though it starts with hunger.. the body’s requirement for nourishment to sustain, to live on..

Before we are dragged into that huge chasm between ‘Need’ and ‘Greed’, which could be another story altogether…, we curtail ourselves and veer back to our ‘need’ and ‘that’ love. Or ‘need for ‘that’ love.

Now the ‘need’…

Since, usually, most of our lives started with a bang, not that ‘bang’ but bang which means with lots of fanfare and celebrations. Then it starts to wane slowly… means the ‘honeymoon’ can’t last forever. And to make a life for ourselves and the baby down the line, we start sacrificing our pleasures. We cut down on many things. Being together is the first major casualty and then… one finds oneself adjusted to most of those situations we had said ‘we’ll never fall prey to’, during our courtship or that extended honeymoon.

It, the ‘need’, usually arises sometime in ones mid age, to be read differently than that mid-age crisis. Here the mid age, usually, is when one has been well settled. We mean one is married and have kid/s, a good job for either one or both the spouse, a comfortable house with or without the in-laws etc. But we are discussing a slightly different angle here… one which has kept them (both of them) away from each other in the daytime. Whether one is working or both, it all ends up with meeting each other for break-fast or dinner, early in the mornings or late in the nights, and exchanging pleasantries apart, no other communication. But then they had forgotten to live. Waking up, morning chores, preparing for office, leaving home late, hurrying, and missing the train or bus. Running late being the most commonly used phrase. Oh, there are Sundays and holidays… Well we don’t need to enumerate what they normally do on such days…, when they’re sidestepping each others to avoid conflicts or not at each others throat or… we know.

Then, when we need to talk, we phone, and we find that the spouse has no time. Busy in the office work, having a meeting with the boss or with a client, preparing an urgent presentation, or any of the other reasons one can find in the cozy air-conditioned comfort of one’s office.

‘When suddenly you found me ho ho ho…’.

Then we meet our counterpart, a kind of alter ego, a clone of ours with only one difference, one is a man and the other is a woman.

We meet them in an official function, a meeting, a workshop, a training session or some such occasion. Nowadays, on some social net-working site during a not so busy period in the office or while traveling or while just waiting for the delayed flight to take off.

Two people, looking for an escape for their emotions… a kind of bond being the immediate result…

Two people with the same issues, the ‘need’ and they find the time spent together were good and has given them some emotional release, some unburdening of a load in their minds. They exchange phone numbers, e-mail addresses, their social networking nicks and handles.

A few days later one wants to talk again. You ring up, message, mail or log on and chat.

“Hi, busy?’

‘Naah, tell me? And courteously ‘in fact I was thinking of calling you up myself. Actually I was thinking about what we spoke that day...’ added to make the other comfortable.

‘Oh!! Really??’ an opening…

‘Well, I called you to…” and so it continues and the bond is further cemented.

They may have been two of the most incompatible, if most parameters of compatibility is considered, but one, no emotional connectivity or contact. That has been missing in their lives. This happens to, mostly, those who could not cultivate friendships where venting of those pent-up emotions were possible.

Then they meet again, its either she finds him or he finds her. You talk, you patiently listen, you share. First those simple words and then thoughts. One finds someone to share life’s good points, sorrows, happiness and a whole lot of other things.

‘aap yun hi agar hum se milte rahe…’

An emotional attachment commences and a bit later, dependency. A ‘relationship’ starts… relationship, not love.

‘Relationship’ is a word the most misused, if various connotations of the word in Queen’s English Dictionary are concerned. It also means emotional (sexual) connection or association.

What started as an avenue to vent ones emotions ends up in or at or…

Back home one wants to make up, a bit of guilt motivating one to experiment certain things learned in that relationship. The prime motivation being ‘to keep both working, the ‘home’ and the ‘relationship’. Sadly, it doesn’t work out as expected. Something is still missing, at both places….

One wonders… ‘Where has ‘that’ love gone??’

Ken Featherlite

The Voice that took my breath away...

'Meeting a Voice'

One of my most eagerly awaited and anticipated events were meeting the people (read gals) with whom I have been talking on phone, chatting, messaging, mailing or writing good old type letters or postcards (remember pen-pals of yore??). Chance meeting or planned meetings were always a thrilling experience. Well, mostly.

These were voice that belonged to receptionists, telephone operators, clients or staff of clients and a few unknowns or chance connections (hello my dear wrong number…) etc. In a way, in retrospect, the liking for each other’s voice was mutual. In fact, the whole thing revolved around that liking. Voice that we actually liked to hear, loved to hear. We found or created enough reasons to talk to each other. In a way we were in love with each others’ voice, the way we spoke and generally liked each others tele-company. As we say now, we got connected. Waiting for them to call was a daily affair and awaited with great anticipation.

There was this delightful voice I’d heard and loved immediately the very first time. This was a kind of soft sing-song voice, like a girl’s belonging to cultured family. We hit off right from the beginning. Whenever she called, we used to talk for a while before she would patch me with her boss. Many a time she would even call without reason and talk. She giggled a lot, spontaneously, and I used to love her giggles.

Meeting a few of them were well planned affairs. Such planned meetings took a lot of preparation; setting up date, time and place of meeting, the exact location I will be sitting or standing, colour and type of my attire and other general identifiable points. She, in turn, giving far less information like straight hair, a ponytail etc. A green dress (means slawaar kameej or Punjabi dress, took a bit of time before I understood that). Once I even bought a new shirt and an aftershave lotion. Getting up early on those eventful days, cleaning and polishing the shoes, ironing, trimming mustache, shaving as late as possible, like just minutes before leaving home, to look and smell fresh.

And then there were those chance meetings…

One fine evening…a few years before my marriage…

I was invited by one of my clients for the engagement ceremony of his daughter. Dressed for the occasion and being not of the family circle I parked myself at a corner, with a clear view of the entire hall filled up with about 150 guests of all ages. While the ring ceremony and other functions were in progress my eyes roved around all the girls and young ladies in the hall trying to identify that girl I used to speak to, as she had promised to be present without fail. After all it was her boss’s daughter’s engagement, how could she miss it? So I thought. Later, I even roamed around like a bee looking for flowers and nectar, went to earshot distance of girls to hear their voice and despite all my efforts I was aghast that I couldn’t recognize her or her voice. Finally, I gave up presuming she wasn’t present there for some reason.

After the function ended, I found myself at the end of the guest line waiting my turn to congratulate the family and the couple. My client stood with his wife and their daughter and the groom to be, in the traditional style, the girl on the right of the boy.

As my turn came, I dusted my nose, cheeks and forehead, pasted my patent smile on my face and proceeded to first congratulate my client, shook his hand and...

I heard someone say " Ken ??"

The voice, that telephone voice, suddenly hit me. It came from very near. I looked behind my client, no one. While he was introducing his wife and, as is usual with me, brought my palms together for a respectful namaste to Mrs. Client, my attention was elsewhere, trying to locate that voice. And I heard it again. "Ken, Hi !!! "

It hit me hard, as if a block of cement had fallen on my head, the young girl's voice I’ve been so enamored with, was standing right there, in front of me but…

It belonged to Mrs. Client.

“I thought you sounded much older Ken" said she in her young sing-song voice.

I couldn’t dare to say... ‘And you sounded much much younger ma’am’

lest I offend her, because… because??

Mrs. Client, that young sing-song voice girl, was over a dozen years older than me.

__ Ken Featherlite__