‘When suddenly you found me ho..ho..ho’

‘When suddenly you found me ho..ho..ho’

Attraction, infatuation, love, affinity, adoration, adventure... sometimes, even worship…

Though, in all these, some kind of ‘romance’ exist, ‘love’, for some reason, is the only item common to all.

Few words or feelings are as misconstrued, as 'that' love. where 'that' is 'the' most misunderstood issue, not love.

This is the exact place where it all begins.

That that ‘that’ is also the root cause of all the ill-will between people goes unsaid.

And then comes another altogether different item, ‘need’.

Need is like hunger, a sort of craving, something one want to sate oneself, to compensate for deprivation, to fill the gap, caused by shortage or non-availability, ‘need’. Haha.. that opens up another round of debate and discussion, And I am sure, if anything this will.. surely..

Because the need keeps changing… though it starts with hunger.. the body’s requirement for nourishment to sustain, to live on..

Before we are dragged into that huge chasm between ‘Need’ and ‘Greed’, which could be another story altogether…, we curtail ourselves and veer back to our ‘need’ and ‘that’ love. Or ‘need for ‘that’ love.

Now the ‘need’…

Since, usually, most of our lives started with a bang, not that ‘bang’ but bang which means with lots of fanfare and celebrations. Then it starts to wane slowly… means the ‘honeymoon’ can’t last forever. And to make a life for ourselves and the baby down the line, we start sacrificing our pleasures. We cut down on many things. Being together is the first major casualty and then… one finds oneself adjusted to most of those situations we had said ‘we’ll never fall prey to’, during our courtship or that extended honeymoon.

It, the ‘need’, usually arises sometime in ones mid age, to be read differently than that mid-age crisis. Here the mid age, usually, is when one has been well settled. We mean one is married and have kid/s, a good job for either one or both the spouse, a comfortable house with or without the in-laws etc. But we are discussing a slightly different angle here… one which has kept them (both of them) away from each other in the daytime. Whether one is working or both, it all ends up with meeting each other for break-fast or dinner, early in the mornings or late in the nights, and exchanging pleasantries apart, no other communication. But then they had forgotten to live. Waking up, morning chores, preparing for office, leaving home late, hurrying, and missing the train or bus. Running late being the most commonly used phrase. Oh, there are Sundays and holidays… Well we don’t need to enumerate what they normally do on such days…, when they’re sidestepping each others to avoid conflicts or not at each others throat or… we know.

Then, when we need to talk, we phone, and we find that the spouse has no time. Busy in the office work, having a meeting with the boss or with a client, preparing an urgent presentation, or any of the other reasons one can find in the cozy air-conditioned comfort of one’s office.

‘When suddenly you found me ho ho ho…’.

Then we meet our counterpart, a kind of alter ego, a clone of ours with only one difference, one is a man and the other is a woman.

We meet them in an official function, a meeting, a workshop, a training session or some such occasion. Nowadays, on some social net-working site during a not so busy period in the office or while traveling or while just waiting for the delayed flight to take off.

Two people, looking for an escape for their emotions… a kind of bond being the immediate result…

Two people with the same issues, the ‘need’ and they find the time spent together were good and has given them some emotional release, some unburdening of a load in their minds. They exchange phone numbers, e-mail addresses, their social networking nicks and handles.

A few days later one wants to talk again. You ring up, message, mail or log on and chat.

“Hi, busy?’

‘Naah, tell me? And courteously ‘in fact I was thinking of calling you up myself. Actually I was thinking about what we spoke that day...’ added to make the other comfortable.

‘Oh!! Really??’ an opening…

‘Well, I called you to…” and so it continues and the bond is further cemented.

They may have been two of the most incompatible, if most parameters of compatibility is considered, but one, no emotional connectivity or contact. That has been missing in their lives. This happens to, mostly, those who could not cultivate friendships where venting of those pent-up emotions were possible.

Then they meet again, its either she finds him or he finds her. You talk, you patiently listen, you share. First those simple words and then thoughts. One finds someone to share life’s good points, sorrows, happiness and a whole lot of other things.

‘aap yun hi agar hum se milte rahe…’

An emotional attachment commences and a bit later, dependency. A ‘relationship’ starts… relationship, not love.

‘Relationship’ is a word the most misused, if various connotations of the word in Queen’s English Dictionary are concerned. It also means emotional (sexual) connection or association.

What started as an avenue to vent ones emotions ends up in or at or…

Back home one wants to make up, a bit of guilt motivating one to experiment certain things learned in that relationship. The prime motivation being ‘to keep both working, the ‘home’ and the ‘relationship’. Sadly, it doesn’t work out as expected. Something is still missing, at both places….

One wonders… ‘Where has ‘that’ love gone??’

Ken Featherlite